May 1, 2012

Gotta Problem Pooper? Musical chairs and sticker charts are no match for ABA therapy!

Potty training stinks. Both literally and figuratively.

Some moms race to be the first in their playgroup to get their kid toilet trained. Well meaning relatives may try to get the ball rolling.  But sometimes, there are other priorities, like hearing your three year old say ‘ hi mommy’ or, perhaps, walking.

When my son did show signs of being ready to hose down my bathroom with pee, we fell into the trap of buying one of those little plastic light up musical pots. My husband and I had more fun with it than he did. My guy never did take to that singing, dancing potty, and as my friends gave me tips and suggestions (because their kids were toilet trained within five minutes), I kept from rolling my eyes and tried their secrets.

For some kids, toilet training is a matter of pull down your pants, sit on the pot until the tinkle comes out, and put a sticker on the chart. A new friend of mine, Bonah Kono, reminded me that for some kids, toilet training is a series of numerous steps that need to be taught. While working with her son, she’s learned to be patient, as well as celebrate each step along the way. Cheers to moms like Bonah, who reminded me to relax and see the big picture!

Have a child who is a problem pooper?

Does he hate the feeling of having his feet off the ground?

Does she have low muscle tone in her abdomen?

Not all of our kids are going to toilet train in a week, no matter what some programs may claim! Read my article about toilet training children with special needs from the spring edition of Thrive Magazine, it just might save your sanity!

 

http://www.dfwthrivemagazine.com/showarticle.asp?artid=181

 

And, if you need a good laugh (or cry) about toilet training your child with a special need, click over to my recommended reads and order Kim Stagliano’s All I Can Handle: I’m No Mother Teresa. It’s a great read!

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February 24, 2012

Customizing Your Child’s Education

For many parents of ‘typical’ children, choosing the educational path of their child is a fairly simple task. We might move to neighborhoods with quality schools, attend teacher conferences, and do our best to keep up with the new strategies used to teach math or writing.

Families with children receiving special education services know there is a lot more to it than that, and the more we know about the options available to us, the better schooling our children receive.

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act makes it clear that all children are entitled to the best education available. More specifically, the concept of Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) is in place to ensure that all students, to “the maximum extent appropriate, children with disabilities…are educated with children who are not disabled…” (Sec. 612 (a)[5]).

The available settings for your child’s education are numerous, from being integrated with students in a general education classroom all day, to highly segregated, in which schooling takes place in a special care facility specific to the needs of your child.

With so many options, it can be overwhelming, especially when the needs of your child may constantly be changing.

Cindy Miller, a parent of a child with special needs, teaches special education in the Arlington School District, and believes the Least Restrictive Environment is critical to ensure the correct placement for your child. “As a parent, I have always wanted what would best meet my child’s needs emotionally, physically, and intellectually in just about that order. I looked at LRE as a way to protect my son from environments that I felt were too overwhelming or too stimulating for him. In those instances, my request was that he receive adaptive PE and music therapy which would be more beneficial and better able to address his goals and objectives.”

As an educator, however, Ms. Miller is careful when determining the Least Restrictive Environment for a student. She talks with parents to determine what their goals are for their child, both currently, and for their future.

“I need to make sure the data that is collected is extensive.” She warns parents that students who are engaged in special education courses may not end up with the same credits as their non disabled peers, therefore resulting in a different diploma. “If the student is college bound this can cause issues with admission or disqualify them for admission to a college at all.”

Ms. Miller also reminds parents that although it is tempting to have an aid spend the day with our students with special needs, it isn’t always in the child’s best interest. The hope is that our students with special needs gain more independence, and if an aid is constantly with them, this may not necessarily happen.

As students grow older, their needs may change, and with this, the Least Restrictive Environment will change as well. While parents can view this as disruptive, Dr. Salend reminds teachers and parents that this is a good thing. To move from a highly segregated environment to one that more resembles those of their nondisabled peers means the student is evolving in one or more area. At the same time, some students that may not be having success in a mainstream classroom might do better in a more restrictive setting.

So what should you as a parent do for your child’s education? Ask questions. Research. There are no easy answers in education even in a general setting, but if your child is receiving or may need to receive special education services, decisions should not be taken lightly. As Ms. Miller stated and Mrs. Hughes learned, the long term outcome of decisions made, even in elementary school, will have life lasting effects.

Ms. Miller sums it up this way: “You, as the parent are the consumer, even of an educational career for your child. Your job as a parent is to get involved, find out what supports are in place for your child and investigate what the Least Restrictive Environment looks like for your child. Ask questions and follow the progress of your child’s IEP. If no progress is being made, find out why. If there doesn’t seem to be challenges, find out why. Is your child in the right program? What else is available? You don’t get any do-overs for your child and their school career. Make this one count by being the most informed about your child’s Least Restrictive Environment.”

To see the entire article, visit http://www.dfwthrivemagazine.com/showarticle.asp?artid=169. It explains the many options school offer for students with special needs, as well as questions parents should ask themselves when determining their child’s placement. For more information, email me at julia@juliagarstecki.com

Thrive magazine is a Dallas based publication that focuses on children with special needs. It is available on the web at www.dfwthrivemagazine.com

 

 

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January 10, 2012

Siblings and the Child With Special Needs

Comparing our children is a no-no, but we all do it. In passing conversations, we might say “Oh he’s my quiet one.” Or “He took all of the athletic genes and left her with none!” Siblings whine about the injustices of life, and keep a keen eye on which child gets what and when. If one child has a disability, however, and one child doesn’t, a unique set of questions arise. How much information should you share with the “typically developing” child? How do you talk to your child with the special need about their disability? As limitations become more apparent, what do you do about house rules when they simply can’t be equal? Below, both experts and experienced parents share what has worked for them when navigating with such delicate issues.

All experts agreed that open communication is a must for all siblings. Toby Glick, a school psychologist in Pelham, New York, presents workshops titled “Sibling Relationships in Special Needs Families” and consults with parents regarding this issue in Westchester, New York and Bergen County, New Jersey. Because most children sense that they are developing differently from their siblings, she suggests parents discuss the disability to the typically developing child early on. Explain why the brother or sister with a disability may need extra help or attention in certain areas. As the children get older, the parent can start to discuss the diagnosis and what the diagnosis means. By talking openly about it, Glick says feelings of anger, guilt, shame, and fear can and should be recognized and accepted.

Laura Shumaker agrees. She has discussed her oldest son’s autism with his younger brothers from a very early age. She kept things simple in the beginning, explaining that their older brother’s brain “worked differently and that it made it hard for him to learn and make friends.” By discussing what their older brother may need help with and why, she clears up any questions or misconceptions the children may have. She then teaches her younger sons how to assist their older brother.

Play up the strengths. Mary Calhoun Brown, award winning author of There Are No Words, has a son with Asberger’s Syndrome and Sensory Integration Dysfunction. She and her husband were always very up front with her son about his disability. Though she was concerned when play dates and invitations were not reciprocated, “our oldest son was so confident in who he is and the life he had settled into that he was very supportive (of younger siblings being invited to parties)…he has wrapped his self-esteem up in being an excellent student, and even attended Harvard Summer School this past summer as a 15 year old.”

Many parents advised finding one thing that each sibling has a passion for, and is competent at, whether it is theater, building, or sports. The goal is not perfection, it’s finding a natural love and talent so each child has something that gives them fulfillment.

Celebrate the differences. Considering the world we live in, teaching empathy and diversity in a real world setting will give your child a head start in a multi cultural world. Mother of an autistic son, Mary Gardner encourages her family to expect, welcome and appreciate the differences in people. “My son knows he’s different. But he knows that everyone is different.” Kirk Martin, Behavior Therapist and author of Celebrate! ADHD! whole heartedly agrees. As a Behavioral Consultant to school districts such as Fairfax County, VA, he has encouraged the 100,000 plus teachers he’s worked with “to proactively celebrate each child’s gifts and passions…rather than focusing on the disability.” When people are taught to focus on “what each child can contribute with his particular gifts”, Mr. Martin states that it keeps the focus on the positives.

Give siblings tools just in case they have to deal with teasing. Whether the disability is visible or not, there may be times when teasing may occur. Though this is unfortunate, it is also the reality, as teasing is not isolated to children with disabilities. Laura Shumaker believes in helping children cope if and when this takes place. Not only does she keeps lines of communication open so her boys can discuss it, but she also helps them with active phrases (“takes one to know one”)to help her sons use at the time the teasing occurs. She also encourages her nondisabled sons to educate others about her son’s disability.

Make time for each child, and don’t let the disability run the house. Ms. Glick has noticed that there may be times the needs of the typically developing child might go unnoticed because of the demands of the child with the disability. This can cause resentment and anger, and it just shouldn’t happen. Ms. Shumaker is careful not to let any of her boys get lost in the shuffle of autism. Whether it is making sure to attend sporting events or have a one on one dinner, all children in the family need to feel special and unique simply by being themselves.

All siblings will compare rules of the house, but there is no denying that if one of your children has a disability, unique situations will arise. Keeping communication lines open, focusing on skill sets, and modeling mutual respect will help the entire family.

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November 18, 2011

Holidays and Special Needs: Here’s some Help!

‘Tis the season of holly jolly parties and extended family visits. Calm? Not a chance! Bright? Absolutely! The gathering of friends and families are more likely to look like reindeer games than resting gentlemen. And, for families that have children with a disability, however mild or severe, there is more planning that goes into a fun, peaceful holiday season. Unfamiliar cousins, culturally diverse foods, and adapting to time zones can be a challenge, but with some simple advice from parents who have been there, it is possible to deck the halls without wanting to jump off the housetop. The following tips will help you too.

EDUCATE Inform relatives about the nature of your child’s disability before the trip. Consider the most important information you want to share, including possible safety concerns and how the disability may affect the tone of the visit. As a caregiver, you know how a change in routine or certain behaviors can act as triggers. Offer age appropriate information to other children, and explain what they can expect to see. Answer any questions and offer any support websites if your friends and family are open to it. It can be a low key conversation, with or without the child with the disability present. Speaking of presents, is it necessary to clear certain gifts ahead of time? While some people find it takes away from the spirit of the holiday, so can inappropriate gifts. While some things are obvious to the caregivers, they may not be to the Aunt who has never met your child before.

SCHEDULE If there are medications that need to be given on schedule, make it clear to the host ahead of time so they can be prepared. If your child benefits from routine, stick to it as much as possible. If your child is overactive, is there a pool, ice rink, or sledding hill nearby? If an overtired child is prone to becoming angry and easily agitated, stick to bedtime routines and times as much as possible. Because three time zones might be represented at the family get together, consider keeping “quiet hours” that benefit those who are late nighters and early birds. Then provide quiet activities, such as coloring books, crafts, or designated favorite videos only to be watched during these hours.

PLAN FOR SUCCESS There are some activities that a child with a disability may not be able to participate in. Always have an equally enticing option available for every child. For example, if the disability is physical and some children are going sledding, have a plan in place for your child as well. Perhaps take a trip to an aquarium or a movie, and recruit some family members to come along. If lack of rules will keep Johnny feeling insecure, choose games with specific instructions that everybody will enjoy. Kids won’t know what they couldn’t or didn’t get to do unless you make it a point to tell them. Maybe a favorite cousin or grandpa can think of something special to do with your child, like a trip to a favorite restaurant or store. One on one time might be just what your child needs.

FOOD If your child has a severe peanut allergy, make it clear there will be no chestnut roasting. It needs to be clear to the host prior to accepting the invitation, and offer to bring “safe” foods to share. Extensive visits get trickier, especially if some cousins are allowed to eat sugar plums for breakfast and candy canes for a snack. It is necessary to have this conversation prior to driving twelve hours for a visit so that everybody can agree on the menu. Again, offering to bring Gluten Free snacks is a great opportunity to be a hospitable guest.

Here are a few last minute tips that may help keep the holiday merry and bright:

Bring toys and videos you know are slam dunks. If your child gets anxious, familiar objects can bring comfort.

Ease up on rules if possible-it is vacation!

Don’t be afraid to say no if things get stressful. With so many different families expecting to create the perfect Christmas, you might have to be Scrooge. As hard as that may be, stick with the big picture. I see my parents the week after Christmas, and though it seemed strange to be away from my family first year, each of my siblings can make this time work, and we all stay for several days. With no pressure to get to other places, we relax and have a ball.

Finally, accept the help other people may offer. One of the best gifts you can give and get is accepting help from others. While it is easy to believe moms know best, you might be pleasantly surprised by your friends and family. This means you may have to give up control, hold your breath a little, and just see what happens. You just never know when a Christmas miracle may present itself.

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